Chapter 8 - The Jack Ash Society

And this one appeared in Lumberjack News of Eureka, California; Vanguard of New York, and New South Revue of Louisville, KY.

We are now all familiar with the John Birch Society, but little is known of its splinter group, the "Grand Demoniac Sons of Birchers" (GDSOBs), however it is widely suspected that they are pretty much alike. And now comes a new split in the Birchers, and its bound to spread to the GDSOBs This new splinter calls itself the "Jack Ash Society"

Where did I learn all this? Well, a little bird told me and I'll be damned if I know whether it was a Pink Crested Stool Pigeon, a Yellow Bellied Sapsucker, A Grackle Bird, or just an ordinary, every day run-of-the-mill Duck Billed Platypus. No I'm not a bird watcher, but my work is all fouled up with them. I work as a pond monkey that is, on the pond at a sawmill, and these birds light on the logs when they are dumped into the pond, so they can pick the worms and bugs off of them. So, now you know how I found out!

SO; we seem to have three contenders for the top spot in this Hitlerite "Comedy of Terrors". Yes: we now have the Jack Ash Society. It has really reached the heights, or plumbed the depths, depending on how you look at it, by launching a campaign within the John Birch Society to "root out hidden Communists within that order.

These Jack Ash'es have a fool proof way of going about it too. (Caution: Be careful how you pronounce Jack Ash'es in case you have been drinking, as you could get in trouble) First: they tell their members, "Be sure and attend every meeting of the John Birch subversives, as ell as the meetings of the GDSOBs Ask them how come their membership lists are secret? Are they trying to hide subversives? We, in the Jack Ash society have our membership lists open to the public as we are PROUD to be known as Jack Ash'es.

Second: listen to these birds. If they remain silent they are only doing so to hide their subversion. If they DO say anything it will no doubt be subversive. Third, watch any one who leaves the meeting early as he is probably going to a Communist meeting. Watch any one who comes in late as he has probably BEEN to a Communist meeting. And it might pay to watch any one who stays until the meeting is over for the same damn reason!

By fearlessly pursuing this courageous course, we may be able to convince people to become Jack Ash'es, and of course we realize that the more Jack Ash'esthe better. We should also organize ladies auxiliaries, as we need Lady Jack Ash'es too.